Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
