Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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