so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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