goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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