I should be sponsored by Trojan
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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