i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
