I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
