IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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