YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
...so i touched it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize