is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
