i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
