ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
