8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
