where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
