Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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