The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
