I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
