I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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