she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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