Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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