You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
