My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
