piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
