I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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