People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
