I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
