You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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