Screwed.edu
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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