dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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