I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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