That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
