I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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