I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
