I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
