i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
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Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
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I need a burrito and a hug.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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