Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
