im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
