so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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