? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
