Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
