Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
