New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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