Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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