This girl is more easily done than said...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
