WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
