i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Watching her eat just hurts me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
