I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
