Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
