You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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