I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.