Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
