It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dating After Heartbreak
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing