Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
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Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.