The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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