I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign