I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
