I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I love having hate sex.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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