somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
