So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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