So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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