I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
