No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
