jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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