walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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