Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
