but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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